Im at a loss for words. Yet my heart races to speak.
My mouth wont move, yet I serve lip service all day long.
I want to share, but where to begin?
Do I start form the beginning?
Hash out the details one more time?
Im at a loss for words, yet my heart races to speak.
How do I deliver my message? What if I forget?
Who do I share with that will want to hear my story?
Is my story fact or fiction? I lived it, right?
I have the scares and smiles to prove I was there.
I’m at a loss for words, yet my heart races to speak.
I look at their faces, breath in,
only to be left with a puzzled feeling inside.
What if I tell the story wrong? What if I leave out the hope?
Will my words still matter?
I’m at a loss for words, yet my heart races to speak.
Has it been too long? Will I even know how to speak?
I have never felt like this before.
Never lost my words, I’ve always had something to say.
Who am I without words? Am I still me?
I’m at a loss for words, yet my heart races to speak.
So much has happened, I could fill this whole hour.
It would be filled with facts from my brain.
That would help right?
What about the language of the heart?
I’m at a loss for words, yet my heart races to speak.
The language of the heart speaks without words.
Do I remember how? My heart remembers, I can feel it beat.
I don’t need to remember; my heart remembers for me.
Because in my heart, is God, love and spoke words.
I’m at a loss for words and my heart has spoken.
This is how I feel after coming out of a darkness of stress and accomplishment. It’s not that what was happening around me was bad, because it wasn’t. I also didn’t handle it badly, all the time anyway. Yet, I’m out of habits for things I know are good for me and will help me. If I was going to change anything about how my last 6 months has gone, I would say I would want to have been more prepared for knowing what I was getting myself into.
Isn’t that funny to think though? I wanted to know the end, so I learn from it before I experienced the beginning and middle. I have never walked through a first-time experience until the first time and I’m so damn greedy that I want the gift of knowing, without first living.
This defect of greed has followed me for as long as I can remember. Its only accomplishment is it keeps me from living in my “new knowing”, because I am constantly living in my “I wish I would have knowns”.
I used to say that the language of the heart is the universal language that unites us all. I forgot that I knew that. Today, one day at a time, I remember…
Ashley B.
Reborn 2-27-01
And again 12-19-19
