I’m a 30 year old mom of two boys. I’m married to a wonderful man of 10 years. We share many things in common but sobriety is the base line for it all. I have two brothers, one older and one younger. Both of my parents are still alive and live in the same house I grew up in.
I was born and raised in a small farming community and still live here today. I grew up running barefoot on the asphalt pavement, ride my bike without a helmet, listening to Bob Segar, the Drifters, The doors, Nervana, Garth Brooks and George Straight. We were frequently have rock concerts on the porch of my friends house and play on a giant blown up water bed mattress, which has claimed many broken bones and given many scuffs. Every Saturday my friends and I would head down to the local restaurant and order a plate of fries and spend countless hours talking to our waitress until she moved to a new job and after that what was the point of going?
After all the fun and games would settle down inside I spent the better part of my childhood feeling like I was never going to mount up. I always wanted people to approve of what I was doing and I never could sum up the confidence to assert myself enough to fully separate my self from the things I didn’t want to do. I didn’t know it at the time that that would be one of the things that a drink eased away.
At age 12 I discovered alcohol. I drank, got drunk, passed out and threw up all over my self while my older brother and his friend cared for me until they new i was safe. To which I woke up out side in a tent with vomit all over me and a veg recollection of what happened the night before. I had the worst hangover and all I could think about was how can I get that again.
Fast forward 5 years and I’m in the rain laying on a side walk, I’ve been drinking all day and its the middle of February in Washington St. Which is a nice way to say is 40 degrees and raining. I was a crossed the street from the police station and no one saw me. I believe that was my Gods doing because I needed to stumble home and stand in my parents kitchen at 3 am on a work night and tell them that “i didnt know what was wrong with me I cant stop drinking”
A week later I was in treatment and 13 years later here I am. How do you sum up in a short story what the heck has happened to me in 13 years? Honestly, I have no idea. It hasn’t come easy. I have had many hours in therapy, step work with my sponsor, and just plain had to wait out the storms. It been a series of turns. Some welcomed, some cursed as they went by. I’m sure that I will get to all of that later on.
I’m the kind of person that will lay it all out there. Living life out loud for all to see. So whats my list of me?
I love gardening, hiking, goofing around, cooking, playing with my kids, singing in the car, walking with my dogs and spending with my husband. Vacation is mine and my families thing. Some people own boats or paint pictures. We go places, a lot! I am a deep thinker/analyzer. My husband has a rule that I cant share my thoughts with him until hes had at least one cup of coffee, which some days if i have been awake long enough is torture. Football is considered to be my 5th season.
This blog is a challenge for me. Sense my son has been born, 4 years ago, there has been many labels placed on me which i fully love and enjoy. However for me I need one corner that is just me. Not a wife, mother, friend, sister, sponsor, gardener and daughter. Just a corner that from the start is me with out anything else. I love to write, I always have. Ive been told its helpful to others so, here I go giving it away for fun and for free.