Today is the day we lost our little girl

in honor of infant loss awareness month

life between the turns

Today I woke up with an ache in my gut. I wasn’t sure why.  Until I looked at the date. Then I knew.

Today was the day Danica Grace Bell “went to be with God” as the Doctor said. I remember laying in bed. It was hot and Abe was in the woods with his brother Jonah. I woke up in the night, which isn’t abnormal because when Abe is away I don’t sleep well. But on this night I woke up an felt different and I remember thinking I wonder if she was gone. Can’t explain it. I just felt, different.

At the time and having been walking through this experience in what felt like a worst nightmare in slow motion for the last 34 weeks I think of few times in my life that felt so heavy and intentional.

When I pull the pregnancy test from the bathroom…

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