When I think about Fathers Day it makes me think of the God of my understanding and his unending love for me. Year’s ago I was at a conference and the topic was healing the relationship between God and me. It went through a series of concepts where I would put the image of my earthly father on my heavenly father and God would fall short every time of who he truly was and I would be left craving things from people that they were not capable of giving.
Not knowing what I was doing, I would end up resentful at my husband or my own dad because I was looking to them to be someone they were not intended to be. The god centered hole inside would grow ever bigger until the concept became relevant to me that I was looking in the wrong place for my needs to be met.
I believe that the best gift I can offer my Dad and husband is the freedom to be who they are supposed to be as individuals, Children of God them selves. The more free they are to be them selves in my mind the clearer I can connect with them with out all the unspoken expectations of things they can never truly meet.
I see my Dad as someone that truly did the best he could to provide for me the tools for living. He gave me many things that I still cling to today and serve me in my life very well. I see him as a man who has flaws and is not perfect. I see him clearly.
I see my husband as a man who loves and cares for me the best way he can. He has challenged me to be better, love deeper and bend when I was incapable of knowing I could. Hes not perfect either. He has his flaws. I see him clearly too.
Seeing that someone is flawed in this view isn’t coming from a place of picking him apart. It’s seeing the imperfection in their humanness and the perfection in God. I spent way to much time trying to get people to tell me what to do and believe. As it would turnd out I didn’t have a lot of faith in humanity because they would fail me, they are human after all and don’t always get it right.
When my relationship with my Dad and my husband are free to come and free to go the relationship it truly free and there for will fulfill what it was truly meant to do.
When I journal or when I pray alone I pray to Aba Father, Papa God. I see him as the father I desperately craved my whole life. The poem that follows is something I wote during that time and seems appropriate to attach here now.
To be Romanced By the God of all Creation:
When I need the connection of a Father
I need not look anywhere else but the world around me
When I see a meadow filled with blooms
I know that bouquet was meant for me
When I want to dance all I have to do
Is move with the wind and I know
That dance was meant for me
When I want a hug,
To be caught up in a warm embrace
I stand in the warm rays of the
Sunlight of the spirit
And I know that hug was meant for me
When I want to know I am loved
I look to the cross,
Its then I know that your arms
Stretched wide were meant for me.
When I want to be touched
I feel the shivers on my shoulders
I know that touch was meant for me.
When I want to be connected
To the Father of all children
I need not look further then
Written By Ashley Bell